What you need
by carterxx
Summary: July 2011. After kissing Carla, Peter's imagination gets out of control. Sexual content
1. Chapter 1

He stands helpless in the face of her anger, struggling to find words that might calm her down or stop her leaving.

"Leanne needs me…" he says plaintively, as she pauses in the doorway.

"Yeah well, go to her then." she snaps back. Then looking him up and down, she delivers her parting shot.

"Either that or decide what _**you**_ need."

Then she storms out of his flat, slamming the door hard behind her.

With the battle still raging inside him, he leans his hands against the wall. Bowing his head, he lets out a deep sigh of unfulfilled desire, his mind wracked with guilt for going too far, his body screaming in frustration at not going nearly far enough.

Still breathless from their kisses, his lips burning, his emotions raw, he wonders how everything could change in just a few minutes.

He hears her steps down the stairs, another door slamming. The door where he'd found Leanne, when she'd fallen down those stairs. When she'd lost their baby.

Leanne. He feels sick. Sick that he forgot himself, that he gave in to temptation. That he just betrayed her when she's still in hospital, needing him most.

And even more sick, as he fights his strong urge to rush to the window and call Carla back. To finish what they'd just started.

He hates himself. After everything, he'd turned his life around. He'd built a family. He'd sworn to be faithful to his wife.

So how has he just been kissing Carla?

He almost laughs. The word seems so inadequate to describe what has just happened.

But it was Carla who started it. Suddenly he blames her completely. She offered him something he couldn't turn down, in a moment he couldn't think clearly.

He's so angry with her. At least he should be. But he knows deep down he isn't. It's too dangerous to ask himself why.

He walks to the sink, splashing his face with cold water. Then realising his thirst, he fills a glass and downs it. Then another. His cravings aren't really for water, but there's no booze in the flat. And his other craving is impossible to satisfy now she's gone.

He leans back against the counter, trying to think clearly. Has he really been unfaithful? It was just a kiss. He stopped it in time.

No-one ever has to know. Carla would want that even less than he did. They could still forget about it completely.

Except for the ache of desire he still feels, the quickening of his heart as he thinks about her. And the memories that became real again the moment his eyes close.

_She pulled him towards her, her hands in his hair, grasping his body as her lips met his. Her kisses were frenzied but gentle, unbearably seductive._

_Within a few seconds he felt all her hunger for him, her deep need, all the feelings he'd made her suppress eight months ago. But more than that, he realised he felt it too._

Shaking his head, he brings himself back to the moment. He has to stop this. He's aroused again just thinking about her. Just minutes ago he cheated on his wife. How could he betray her again in his imagination?

In an attempt to cool himself down, he heads to the bathroom, starting the shower running. Not quite cold, but definitely lukewarm. He strips his clothes off quickly and steps in.

But right away he realises it's a mistake.

Feeling the water trickling down his body, he aches for her touch. His nakedness only enhances his desire as his mind starts to wander again, his imagination on fire.


	2. Chapter 2

_Another short chapter this time... hope you like and thanks for reviewing._

He leans towards the shower head, letting the cool water cascade onto his shoulders and flow down his body. In his aroused state, the sensation is amazing, but a poor substitute for what he really wants.

His willpower disintegrating, he lets himself remember the moment he managed to resist her.

_Her eyes were half-closed, her lips so tender, as she kissed him again and again, making him long for so much more. There was no hesitation in her actions, no doubt what she wanted._

_But as she overwhelmed his senses, it still wasn't enough. __He moved his hand to the back of her neck, pulling her even closer to him, needing her, loving how her fingers brushed against his bare skin as she started to unbutton his shirt without even breaking their kiss._

_Then it hit him what he was doing. With all the strength he could find, he told her to stop. Then he thought it was over._

Except all he can think about are Carla's hands on his body. And now he vividly imagines her fingers on his naked skin, slippery from the shower, stroking him, holding him. He's so hard now, so desperate for her, but it's too late.

If he hadn't stopped her when he had, he's suddenly sure where it would have gone. He remembers when she'd last tried to seduce him, dressed only in a towel, completely uninhibited. Thinking about how she looked that day, how she pressed her damp skin against him, he can hardly contain his lust.

She had only left ten minutes ago. By now, he could have been caressing her, on top of her, inside her. And he finally admits to himself how much he wants her.

She'd told him to decide what he needed, and he can't deny it any more. He needs to hold her in his arms, to kiss her, to make her cry out in pleasure again and again. He leans back against the wall of the shower, breathless again, aching for her.

It was hard enough telling her to stop at the time. Imagining it a second time in his fantasy, he can't do it again. His desire is all-consuming.

It's only a small change from what happened. Now, abandoning his conscience, he lets his imagination run wild.

"_I want you" he whispers into her ear, as she unfastens the remaining buttons of his shirt._

_She breaks away for a moment, looking directly at him, checking that he means it._

"_I can't fight it any more" he says urgently, impatient with lust, and she nods. She knows how it is._

_As she presses her body against him, she can't help but feel his arousal. Then she catches his eye, and her desire is so blatant that he has to look away._

_With a quick move of her hands she flicks his shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. Then pressing herself against his bare chest, she runs her finger lightly down his back making him shiver with anticipation._

This is so wrong, he knows. But he's beyond rational thought, with the water playing against his bare skin, running along his erect cock, making his body throb with desire.

He shouldn't have started this fantasy, but he's got no strength to resist it anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

_Here's chapter three. Peter's imagination might get quite vivid... That's my excuse anyway ;)_

Everything about what he's doing is unforgivable, but he can't remember the last time he felt so turned on, so alive. And it's barely even started.

Any hopes of cooling down in the shower have long since gone now. As the water runs down his body, he only hopes it might wash away his guilt, as he closes his eyes again and thinks of her.

_They're still in his living room, but as they kiss passionately, desperately, they could be anywhere now. They're lost in each other, arms intertwined, his fingers buried in her hair, her hands stroking the soft skin of his back._

_But he wants more. Lowering his mouth to her neck, he presses his lips against her warm skin, kissing her, sucking against her neck. She laughs, pulling his body closer to her and he thrills as he feels her breasts, pressing against his chest. _

_Then her mouth urgently seeks his again. Her kisses are slower now, but deeper, even more intense, and they both know it's about to get serious._

As he pauses to catch his breath for a moment, he luxuriates in the sensation of the water trickling down his body, wishing it was Carla's hands sliding over his skin, her mouth against his cock.

A sudden thought hits him. Maybe it would be less like cheating if he imagined Carla taking control. He almost laughs at the futility of it, but the idea is in his mind now. He can't deny the appeal.

_She pushes him hard, and he moans as his back slams into the wall, but she doesn't give him time to recover. She forces her body against him, her mouth only an inch from his, but when he tries to kiss her, she backs away, smiling wickedly._

_Forcefully she runs her hands down his biceps, letting him know that despite his greater strength, she's in charge._

_He's awed by her dark beauty as she looks deep into his eyes, moving her hand to his face, her touch unbearably light against his cheek._

_She slowly slides down his body, tantalising him with soft touches, occasional kisses against his chest. The space between them feels charged and every time her lips touch his body, his lust reignites. By the time she's near his waist, he finds himself calling out her name, begging her._

_At his impatience, she finally relents. As her hands reach his hips, she speeds up, grasping at his belt, unzipping him, tugging down his jeans and boxers. She's rough with him, but that's how he wants it._

_He's so hard now, intensely aware of his nakedness as he stands before her. Her eyes fix on his cock, a smile flickering on her lips as she kneels close to him. Then he waits, his heart pounding, his body tense, as he feels her warm breath on him and the anticipation is almost too much._

_Finally she places her hand on his hip. He stops breathing for a moment as she leans forward and kisses the tip of his cock. He moans, the pleasure exquisite as her lips part, and he feels her mouth wet around him. Then she takes him deeper into her mouth, her tongue moving along his length, circling …._

Sharply he brings himself back to reality, realising he's about to come, knowing he doesn't want to yet. He leans against the wall of the shower, reeling from the intensity of his imagination. It almost kills him to hold back, but he's not finished yet.

He stands there desperately trying to clear his mind, desperately thinking of anything except her soft lips around his cock, but his mind won't obey him any more.

As a last resort, he turns the shower temperature right down, and a burst of icy water dampens his lust. For now.


	4. Chapter 4

_As I may have mentioned before, Peter's imagination might get quite vivid - nothing to do with me :)_

He stands shivering in the ice cold water. His arousal has slightly abated, but as his head clears, he still refuses to face up to what he's doing.

Instead, he turns the temperature right up. It's easier to ignore his conscience as the shower fills with steam, concealing all signs of his daily life.

Then his imagination takes over, and he loses himself in Carla's seduction.

_She stands up, taking charge again as she presses him against the wall. He can't take his eyes off her mouth, her full lips, remembering the pleasure she's just given him. He smiles, but as her eyes flash with desire, it's hard to hold her gaze for long._

_Looking down, his eyes fix on the circle of bare skin on her shoulders, the only part of her body visible beneath her top. He runs his fingertip along her shoulder blade, her skin so smooth, so erotic against his light touch. He longs to kiss her there, to run his tongue right down her body, between her legs. The idea thrills him._

_But she demands his attention again, placing her hands on either side of his face, trapping him, kissing him forcefully, her tongue exploring his mouth, passionate and dangerous. Even if he wanted to move, he couldn't, but there's nowhere else in the world he wants to be right now._

_Then she breaks away, and he feels her warm breath against his ear._

"_Undress me" she says, her voice low, husky. It's not quite an order, but he has no intention of disobeying her._

_He reaches down, his hands __moving down her body, _caressing her hips, lingering over her inner thighs. Slowly he lifts her top, pulling it over her waist then over her head, mesmerised by her beauty as she stands before him.

_But she knows what she wants, moving his hands to her back, encouraging him to unfasten her bra. He lowers his lips to the softness of her breasts, kissing her again and again, his tongue teasing her as he takes her nipple between her lips. As she cries out, he wants to keep kissing her, pleasuring her, but she has other plans._

_Her hand moves to the chain he wears around his neck. Then, hooking her index finger around it, she gently pulls, so he has no choice but to raise his face towards her. He laughs softly as he realises how effortlessly she's taken back control._

_She kisses him again, forcing him back against the wall. __He's unbearably hard now. _As she leans into him, the pressure of her breasts firm against his chest, he can hardly contain himself, grasping desperately at her, his fingertips digging into her naked back.

_Her face is flushed, her breathing uneven, and he can tell she wants him as much as he wants her. He feels the heat from her body, and all he craves is to be inside her, his cock sliding deep into her again and again, passionately, tenderly._

_As she bites her lip, he sees the fire in her eyes and he knows she'll give as good as she gets. She'll match every move he makes, urging him on, moaning as he thrusts hard inside her, making him come like he's never come before._

_Pressing his hips slowly against her, he tries to convince her that he can't wait much longer. She runs her hand along his cock, smiling at how hard he is and the way he __gasps in pleasure, _tensing at her touch. 

_He longs for relief, but she's making all the moves today. When she lets go, he just has to wait._

_She smiles, moving his hands to her waist, helping him to remove her leggings and underwear until they stand naked before each other. _

_It's unspoken that he can't take her to the bed he shares with Leanne. But right now he doesn't care where it happens. He just needs to be inside her._

_As if reading his mind, she spins them around so that she's against the wall, his arms tight around her waist, her legs slightly parted. She sways her hips slowly, and the friction drives him crazy, knowing he's so close to the pleasure he craves._

"_Now?" she asks, her voice calm, but her eyes wild._

"_Now" he whispers. He rests his forehead against hers, and they kiss one last time, deep and intense._

_But he can't hold back any longer now, not with his cock pressing against her bare thigh and the heat of her body against him. _

"_Peter…" she murmurs as she reaches to him, grasping him, needing him._

_And then she looks straight at him, her eyes becoming tender as she says the words he can't bear to hear._

"_I love you so much."_

And as he searches desperately, finding no possible answer, he realises he can't go through with this, even in his mind.

He opens his eyes, devastated as the reality hits him.

It's never just been sex Carla wants from him, it's love. But in the heat of passion, desire coursing through his veins, he's lost all awareness of how he really feels.

Suddenly the situation seems all too clear.

If he can't return Carla's love, then he'd be using her, as well as betraying Leanne. Yet if he does love her, does this mean his marriage is over?

He stares into space for a few moments, taking deep breaths, trying to take the edge off his lust to understand how he really feels. Maybe he can come to his senses, and discover it's just sexual. But he already fears that's not true.

He's stunned by the intensity of his emotions. This isn't some harmless fantasy. She's the woman he's supported for months. He's the man she turns to. An hour ago they were friends. Now he longs to make love to her.

He gets out of the shower, trying to clear his head, but as he towels himself dry, he can't hold back his imagination again. As he lets his mind wander one last time, his conscience takes over.

"_You know Peter... " she says softly. "Me and you can never happen unless you finish with Leanne."_

_She's lying in his arms on the sofa, wearing her perfume top again. Her eyes are half-closed as he runs his hands through her hair. There are no games any more. He just wants to hold her._

"_I know" he says. He leans over and kisses her forehead gently._

_She looks up at him, her eyes hopeful in a way that almost tears him apart._

"_And will you?"_

_He breathes out slowly, his shoulders sinking. It's impossible._

"_I don't know…"_

And with that, he's jolted back to reality.

He sits on his bed, unbearably torn between his wife and the woman he's falling in love with.

_I hope you can forgive me for the anti-climax... I had written something else, but it just felt too wrong with Leanne in hospital, so I did some re-writing_


End file.
